Spencer Heath Archive

Item 3022

Incomplete letter (missing first page) to Heath penned by Lillian Solomon

No date

 

 

I am sorry you are going away just now. There are not many human beings as complete as you. The Chinese people, who understand human values well, have a word for the kind of person you are. We have no such word, because we have not understood, in general, the beauty of such achievement. You think it amusing that you “belong” with a group of musicians!

The Chinese word sounds something like “footu”; it means a man who has had a thorough education, intellectual, spiritual; who has spent a long life in fine noble work, which has brought success and satisfaction; who has been successfully married, had children all of whom have been well brought up, well married; a man who, after all these accomplishments, is well liked, and esteemed by all, and thus happy and a “success.” That is a lot for one word to mean. I think you go even beyond that: you are willing now to renounce your own contentment, which I saw yesterday you could easily enjoy for yourself, in behalf of others — willing, eager, to find and teach ways for all to have “success.”

I am so very grateful to have met you, and am almost ashamed that the experience should cast a depression over me. But I seem too weary to pull out alone.

Your reading, as you read the “Dreams”, was an exhilaration. It showed the profundity of your own understanding of human agency and divine compassion. I adore you for it.

I could just listen to you for days and days and days — you are full of richness.

I like the way you write; you are clear, so that even the difficult conclusions to which you have come after deep thinking, can be understood. Do not hurry; do not spend yourself too freely where your art will be lost. Love it up, and let us gather the kind of group who will understand and appreciate you — you will find how very desperately they need you. It is the leaders who need your guidance — young leaders especially, who will listen. Young Paul Maddaus is one — he is quite spiritual, but I believe will learn.

Were it not a waste to indulge in remorse, I would grieve not to have understood you better earlier: you see, I have a feeling of needing to have someone reliable to whom to go for relief.

Holmes said “situation with Nick is not hopeless — he has great possibilities” — don’t I know it — were it hopeless I should not bother — but I am hopeless — I mean I cannot help, and so I dare to seek others to take my place. I get terrified.

I do not know what I shall do — it seems I cannot plan. I am advised to act — the only act I can conceive of as profitable is the close association and distraction with a person who is “sympathique.” Yesterday you gave me a taste of it.

I seem to be paralyzed by inertia — a devastating condition.

____  ____  ____  ____

I stopped to read the enclosed from Bertha — it just arrived. Wish I were going with you!

Bertha wants me in July — long way off — also she has a distressing household, and she is really too busy to “talk” — I shall possibly go for short visit — I do love her dearly — but also remember Olive Schreiner’s extraordinary way of emphasizing that complete and perfect understanding are possible only between man and woman?

For years I have renounced that joy, imagining I could thus better serve my children. It has been a false policy and the result disastrous. I recall it, since I write today birthday greetings to a very grand gentleman and scholar who for fourteen years tried to make me see I was wrong! He married two years ago. If you’d like to have supper with us — call up.

Cordially,

(Signed) Lillian Solomon