Spencer Heath Archive

Item 3118

Extract from letter from Heath, 310 Riverside Drive, New York City, to Ada Lee Heath preceding their divorce.

April 23, 1936

Original is missing.

You know that through all the years I never asked anything in the world from you but that you should love me or at least act in such a manner that I could keep my love for you alive. You know that until after I began coming up here you defiantly refused all and every part of this request and that your brief interval of about-face profession of love, instead of loud professions of hate, came to a very sudden stop upon the first suggestion that you would desire or consent to any kind of modification of the real estate ownership that I entrusted to you.

     With the beautiful home desolate of all the love for which I had built and garnished it, I still felt that I could give something of value and beauty to the world — something larger, perhaps, than all the private happiness I had lost. So I continued in those broader interests, studying the social sciences and developing a technique of teaching and other modes of expression and coming within easy view of significant accomplishment. But I needed companionship and inspiration to make even that seem fully worthwhile. I wanted to have you in companionship with me, but whenever I came to you I was met by the old fears and hate and defensiveness. So while you, doubtless feeling deserted, wanted me to give up everything I was doing here, whenever I /came to/ you, you did nothing to make me want to be with you and almost everything to keep me from wanting it. I suppose you could not help this, but you could at least try to understand the state of affairs.